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Relationships
Well, well, well... where to begin? "Relationships" is certainly a very broad topic, but what I'm going to focus on here are the relationships which tend to be the most important in our lives. For simplicity's sake, I'm going to break this article down into two separate categories. Part one is for people who are having trouble establishing the kinds of relationships they want to have. Part two is for those who are involved in relationships, but aren't happy with the way things are going. Part One: On the Outside Looking In The whole process of meeting people, dating, falling in love and all the things that go along with it can seem so daunting at times. It's easy to become frustrated and cynical, watching seemingly blissful couples interact right in front of you, then going home at the end of the night with no one to talk to or snuggle up with. It's easy to become sad and think "What's wrong with me? Why can't I have something like that?" The answer, of course, is that you can have something like that. "What's Wrong With Me?"
The problem starts right along with that thought process. It's either the mentality that "There's something wrong with me, so why would anyone like me?" or "It's probably not going to work out anyway, so why even bother?" That very thought process affects the way you carry yourself, which affects the way others perceive you. Take a moment and imagine yourself in a place you often spend time, slowly dragging your feet, shoulders hunched together, with a grim look on your face. Then imagine yourself in that same setting, but this time walking upright, with a spring in your step and a nice big smile. Which version of you would you want to spend more time with? Now don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that you walk around with a big dumb smile on your face all day long. What I'm saying is that your thoughts affect your body and thus, your appearance. When you spend a lot of time focusing on the negative, it shows! "How Do They Know?"
I recall a conversation I had with a good friend when I was in college. We were talking about the difference between how we felt around women when we were single, as opposed to the way we felt when we were involved in a relationship. We both thought it was amazing, although undoubtedly true, that women seemed more interested in us when we had girlfriends, even if they didn't know about them. This struck us as painfully ironic, since the only time it's useful to have that kind of attention (if you're honest and faithful) is when you're single. The explanation was simple: when you're single and trying to impress, you're more self-conscious and therefore, less comfortable. Conversely, when you already have someone, you don't have to impress anyone, so it's easier just to be yourself. We had both experienced this "phenomenon" ourselves, but we came to the conclusion that you just can't fake it... that somehow, the girls will always know. I have since discovered that's not the case. It's not a question of "faking it," it's a question of thought. Where does confidence come from? It doesn't come in a bottle (you can keep your "Dutch courage"). It comes from thought. Change what you're thinking about (or focusing on) during the appropriate situations, and you change the way you feel. You can literally be as cool and comfortable as you want to be in any social situatiion. In short, you can "clone" that confidence, that "nothing to lose" attitude. All you have to do is think... in just the right way. Part Two: Should I Stay or Should I Go? For many people out there, meeting and dating people is no problem at all. In fact, it can be fun. But there are many things that can stand in the way of living "happily ever after" once the meet and greet is over. I'll touch upon a couple of the "biggies" to give some examples of how we can actually prevent ourselves from achieving happiness. Method #1 - "I'll Never Get Hurt Like That Again"
I've heard there are people out there who've never been on the receiving end of a break-up (translation = dumped), but I've yet to meet one of them. My guess is that even those fortunate people have been hurt in a relationship by someone, at some point. Typically, each of us has had at least one experience that was so painful, we swear (at some level) never to let that happen again. At first, this may seem like a wonderful idea. No one likes to get hurt, right? The only way to really ensure you won't get hurt is to keep others at a distance. If you let them get close, you can get sucker-punched. The problem with this particular defense is that by keeping others at a distance, you eliminate the possibility of experiencing the kind of intimacy that makes the whole thing worthwhile. If you can't be honest with your partner and tell them what you need, what makes you happy, you're probably not going to get it (and neither are they). The end result is that one or both of you will end up seeking to fulfill those needs elsewhere. The key point here is that without risk, there is no reward. You can't have the happiness you really desire without the risk of getting hurt. But when you consider the potential benefits of taking that risk, you realize just how small of a risk it really is. Method #2 - "I Will Never Lose An Argument"
Often, in the heat of the moment, couples can get so wrapped up in an argument that they forget what they were arguing about in the first place. The goal becomes "winning" the argument, which I imagine would be signified by the other person admitting this fact or conceding in some way. I say "I imagine" because I have never actually seen this happen in my entire life. Now before you laugh, think about the last few arguments (or "discussions") you've had with a partner, and see if you can find the moment when one of you suddenly says "Gosh, that's a good point. I hadn't thought about it that way. Thank you for enlightening me. Would you like a massage?" If you found that moment, congratulations! If not, you should consider what is really important to you here. Is it more important to be right all the time, even if it means making things unpleasant on a daily basis? If you really love someone, it may be more important to make that person happy and enjoy your time together. Ask yourself, "What is my goal here?" If the goal is to be right all the time, even if it makes you unhappy, that's one choice. However, if the goal is to get what you want (i.e. love), you may want to consider another approach. Other Possibilities
Obviously, relationships and the problems that arise are complex, numerous and often unique. Your situation may have nothing to do with anything on this page. "So what can hypnosis do for me?"
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